TOM the CraZED SpACE MonKIE's Journal|
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|Sunday, January 16th, 2011|
Wow, Hey livejournal, remember me?
I feel like talking about tonight so I'm going to. I went to the Standup Showcase in Burlington tonight, because I auditioned and because some of my friends made it. Amazing thing is that at this event, a guy told me that I made him laugh so hard he almost pissed his pants. Another two people told me that I remind them of Jack Black, bringing that total up to about 7 or 8.
How did I get so noticed? Same way I always do. Showboat, do things that I think are funny, and put myself out there a bit. This time, though, I did it in a way that was socially acceptable by volunteering when they asked for some at the beginning. Turns out, it was for preshow interpretive dancing! Tim Williams was another volunteer, but I didn't realize it till I got up there.
Then, the host told people to text him during the show, and he was reading all these negative texts that he had gotten, so I called him and told him he was doing a good job. Then I hung up. I didn't realize that he was still talking to me and hadn't noticed I was in the crowd, but some of the people around me did.
Next year, I'll be on that stage.
|Thursday, October 7th, 2010|
|Been a while
I had a crazy dream last night. Very crazy.
I'll start with the end.
I'm in a department store, and various people I've wronged and mistreated are showing up. I think I planned it. I'm trying on different sunglasses, as I explain how I've realized I've been a dick and was sorry for it. This includes ex girlfriends, a friend who hasn't talked to me in a year, a girl who I almost considered a friend but decided against it. Also, there were some hookups that were from EARLIER in the dream, so when I tried to talk to them, I felt awful because I couldn't remember their names. Well, I'm so bad with names and faces anyway, it could have been about that. Anyway, the girl that was almost a friend bursts into tears about how I never liked her, I was a jerk to her, and I tell her that she was always an asshole to me, but then realized I was bad to her first, and that she had a thing for me that and that's why it was so hard for her
None of them really believed that I was sorry, so I turned to Hulk Hogan...Oh yeah, Hulk Hogan was there (he must have been taking time away from his new infomercial career. Oh how the mighty have fallen, brother) and I tell him to slap me as hard as he could because I deserved it. And because it would be badass to take a slap from Hulk Hogan. He starts to say no, oh I couldn't do that, so I look him dead in the eye, and say, "Terry (I don't know how I remembered his real name in this dream) I really deserve this."
So He takes me into the bathroom, where there is a naked man just standing there, without any genitals, turns to me and says, "You ready, Brother?" I say, "Go for it."
Hulk winds up...
Slaps me hard,
Immediately pulls his had back and punches me in the eye.
I'm like AW SHIT HULK JUST PUNCHED ME! He's standing there grinning and goes, "I call it the ChunppaSlap!"
Strangest thing was that the pain was in the dream. Not as much as if Hulk Hogan really punched me, I bet, but it was there.
I haven't always treated everyone the way that I should, especially the people close to me in the last year. I'm sorry for that. But things are getting better.
Rest of the dream before that was zelda, pinball, some Airbender, weird stuff. but I don't think that was as important as the rest.
|Wednesday, May 12th, 2010|
|Really lj? Really?
So I haven't looked at livejournal in about 2-3 forevers...Since when do they only show the few most recent entries on the friends page? How can I creep my 'friends' on that?
|Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010|
What is it about me being in a 'good'financial situation that makes my car go to hell???
Every time. Last semester, with my refund, I went to get it inspected. The guy said 'The bushings and the control arm and front tires need to be replaced' I said 'Fine, do it' and he does. $300 or so. Now that I've recieved my taxes, I go to get the rust taken care of. I buy two rear quarter panals on Ebay, and get a hatch from the salvage yard. There's another $200. I bring it to this guy that I hear is good. He puts it up to look underneith and tells me that I need new bushings. I say 'No, that can't be right. That was just done!' 'Well, it doesn't look like anybody's touched them in a long time. They're ready to fall off!' I tell him to do what we had talked about and fix the rust.
Somebody's trying to fuck me.
So after putting this money into my car, it might have been cheaper to get a new one. The kicker: Eric starts looking for cars for me, and I realize there IS a good chance that I could have easily gotten a new car with my refund. He also found a guy that is always looking to buy Hondas. So I call the garage back with the plan on telling him to forget it, I'll take my car back, thank you for being honest. I'll recomend you to people. But he doesn't answer. He's not there. His assistant tells me she'll tell him to call me soon. Never hear from him.
Current plan: If the guy from that garage DOES fix my car before he calls me and I tell him not to, I'll just take my car back to the other place, and ask for an inspection sticker. I mean, that's all I really want. Safe? Fuck safe! I want to be able to go from point A to point B without worrying about being pulled over!
Yeah, I also wish I had the stones to yell at this guy.
|Friday, January 15th, 2010|
|well, I feel like I'm dissapointing someone...wouldn't be so bad if it's just me...
Well, I'm not graduating this semester.
With either degree.
My mother was already talking about having a joint graduation party for me and my brother. Who is 8 years younger than me. He's graduating high school, but still, most of the time when people spend this much time in school, they're doctors and lawyers when they get out!
Problem: Class conflicts. I had forgotten about a couple of upper level lit courses. Somehow, I had thought I was set for that degree apart from the thesis. Also, when I was looking for a science class last semester, I was being dumb and only looking under SCI, not ENV or PHY, so I thought what I needed wasn't available.
That being said, I can theoretically get my theater degree this semester. All I have to do is not take the upper level lit course that a friend is also taking, which would make it more fun for me. This lit course causes a conflict with Earth Science, which would fill my physical science to get either degree. So...I either rush things and potentially screw myself for next semester (I don't know if ANY upper level lit courses are available, let alone 2...) and get one degree to not make a liar out of my mother's party (a pre-graduation party perhaps?) and to not feel like a disappointment (already told people I expected to graduate...on my dad's side of the family...the more critical side...)
I can do the smart thing and take the class that's not offered as often that I do need.
The fact that I already called that the smart thing...question answered, but that's not going to make this easier. I mean, going to the registrar's office and saying 'That piece of paper I handed in saying that I would soon be making my time money and effort worth it...can I have that back? Thanks.' And telling my parents. And my uncle.
I'm still going to try to walk...and go on the cruise...I mean I feel that with my effort, and I KNOW I'm going to do this...I deserve it.
Well, this motivates me to try harder for ACTF. I've had family gatherings where I didn't have any accomplishments, and I don't want to relive that. Is that stupid? Trying to be something so that I can say to people 'Yeah, I am something.'
I'm going to watch Tropic Thunder. I could use a comedy.
|Tuesday, January 12th, 2010|
|I can has diploma?
I applied for my degree. This is happening. I'm scarred shitless at times, other times I feel really determined. I can't get too distracted. I have to work hard, no excuses, no distractions.
Now I'm going to walk to the store and buy some beer.
|Friday, January 8th, 2010|
So in my dream, I thought it would be a good idea to have a party at Piecasso's after hours. I don't remember how we got in, or even who was there. I think Lynne and Alanah were there. I do remember that it was crazy madd fun. Until the back oven started to smoke and set the place on fire. So I got out of there into my SUV (WTF I don't have an SUV???) and back into the building, leaving a gaping hole where the prep room used to be!
So I'm making a getaway, and I see fire trucks driving through the tunnel that leads out of Stowe (WTF? Looked like the one at the Big Dig) and I think 'GREAT It's only the fire trucks! Good thing the cops aren't with them!' But then one of the fire trucks blocks me in to keep me from going anywhere so the cops could find me. I wake up freaking out because I know I'm going to get fired.
Then a couple hours later, I get a call from one of my bosses asking me why I called his cell this morning. I tell him I didn't but I might have accidentally when I was half way done with waking from that dream. I tell him about it, and he assures me the place is still standing. Well that's good news.
|Tuesday, December 15th, 2009|
|I'm sorry, Link, your princess is in another dungeon...
So I just finished playing The Legend of Zelda in all of it's 8 bit glory today. FUCK that game's big. Seriously, how did people beat it before the Internet? Didn't happen I tell you. The Internet is what first beat the game, anybody who tells you different is fucking lying. Fuck, if I DID beat it without consulting google, I'd lie about it, because that'll say just how pathetic my life is.
And how does the fairy rejuvenate link? Does he eat it? I hope so. Few people know this, but fairies are high in proteins. Wikipedia that shit.
I wanna slap that old man from the beginning of the game. No lie. "It's dangerous to go alone. Take this." Take this and what? Go on alone? Really? You just said it was dangerous. Can't I use you as bate or something? Old man of the swords, you're a dick. You've got swords up the ass that you don't let me have till later in the game, you're holding out on me, and you're a dick.
Come to think of it, Link, YOU'RE a dick. Sometimes, a kingdom needs a new leader. The french revolution, the American revolution, hell any revolution. Ganon's just trying to initiate the Hylian revolution, or at least that's what it would be called till Link stuck his big fairy ears where he didn't belong. Some people would just call it regime change.
And what happens at the end of the game? Suddenly you're back at the beginning, but the temples are different? Did the princess get kidnapped again? All of links' shit is gone too! Did he give it to the poor? I don't need this boomerang, OR all this extra health! I'll give it to the poor! YAY! JUST what the poor need. Why would link save her again? Dumb bitch, she must be asking to get kidnapped.
I'm going to fucking bed. Fuck Hyrule and it's rock spitting dingbats. Current Mood: badass
|Friday, November 27th, 2009|
I used to go to Livejournal and look to my friends for amusing stories. Now it's mostly just FMyLife and TextsFromLastNight. Same thing, but I don't know these people...I hope.
|Monday, November 23rd, 2009|
|Things and things and yet still other things...
Wow, I've been feeling stressed as FUCK lately.
But now I'm only working a day or two a week...Joy. So now I'm not as stressed, but I'm broke. My car's not inspected yet, but it's getting there. Needs: Rust taken care of, spring bolts, and a new hatch.
I don't remember when I last updated so I'll just say where I stand now.
It's break, and I'm essentially using it to play catch up. Just before break, I lose my notebook that has what I've done for dance so far. I gave up on doing it this semester because of the stress, and I wasn't far enough along on the choreography when I started. That notebook also had outlines for a story in it, notes for classes, various writings, just a lot of stuff that I need.
Also, I was accepted to ACTF. I'm not used to having to make decisions! Usually, I just audition for whatever comes my way, and do my best. I've never had to give much thought to if I'll like them, and I don't feel nearly as knowledgeable about plays as the other people in the theater department, but I've found some scenes. I don't know what to expect or hope for, but whenever I mention how stressed I am about it, people say not to hope for much and enjoy it. ::blink blink:: but it IS a competition! I want to do my best. I mean, I'm going to enjoy the workshops, but before I go there, it's just work to me. Granted work that I enjoy, but because of what I see riding on it then it still gives me a nervous, lugubrious feeling. Ok, not lugubrious, but listening to Spelling bee.
I kind of feel like I've fallen apart and am putting myself back together. Sort of like when my car needed a head gasket, so while I was fixing it, put in new parts to make it better. I'm out of...this week, and it's break so no chance for more, but that's probably in my best interest. It WAS an alternative to video games, because when in another state of mind, I can still get things done, but playing games...you're just STUCK there. I didn't even get much better at them. It was just stimulation, for lack of stuff to do...even when I have other stuff to do. It was draining. But now, I'm sober, and still getting stuff done. It's like I replaced one addiction for another, had the replacement pulled out from under me, but the resulting good habits stayed. That's good, right? I think so.
Other things...I've been doing more in the radio station...not all of it by choice. I'm pretty much doing all of the underwriting stuff. I have a meeting tomorrow set up, but I'm going to get up early and hit some of the businesses in Johnson that I feel deserved a more in person touch, like the bank, and a couple stores that they said the manager would be in at those times. A lot of places I had to leave a message, so now I play the waiting game.
I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to graduate next semester. Tomorrow, I'm picking my classes, and then I'll have a better idea. Russ said that I can use Picasso at the Lapin Angile as my senior thesis in theater, but the bit that I'm worried about is the creative writing degree. Maybe...Maybe I could just write it over the summer, walk this spring for theater, and get a degree with creative writing in the following semester? I don't know. Well, the more I focus on that this week, when I don't have anything else going on.
Let's see...Mentioned radio, sobriety, plays, ACTF nervousness, graduation nervousness, lack of hours at work, my worry about my notebook...
I might be going to NYC for a week before Christmas. My rickshaw boss offered me a job out there involving helping street corner Christmas Tree sales. They'd give me a place to stay, meals, and a job, so all I have to do is get there. It sounds like an adventure. I might just take a week off from Piecasso's to do it, even though it's during the busy season. I do know I'm going to CT Friday night, for all those people from there that might wanna hang out.
Guess that's enough for now. Wish me luck in everything. I feel like I'm going to need it.
|Saturday, November 21st, 2009|
Holy crap it's break!
I was going to update, but apparently I have to scrabble.
|Monday, November 2nd, 2009|
short to do list...
-sell some clothes to the thrift shop, see if they'll dispose of the ones they won't take
-find a watch battery
-return rented leather coat
-work at 4...shit that doesn't leave me much time for anything
|Friday, October 23rd, 2009|
I should update....I think.
Where was I a year ago? Dating Aisha for one...starting to have second thoughts about living in Eden....wow, I don't feel like I've done much now, but I've had two lead roles, one that nominates me for ACTF and I've been feeling amazing for that. Working on my dance is fun but frusterating, because I always feel like I know what I want better than I do, then somebody says 'What do I do with THIS part of my body' and my mental image goes to hell.
So it's my birthday. I'm going to watch clone high at 7 AM. Cause it's my birthday.
|Saturday, October 3rd, 2009|
Things have just been so up and down and all around for me lately, I don't know how to explain it all. Especially my falling out with reality, as I call it. It gets confusing at times, but it's a line of thinking that generally makes sense to me. Essentially, there is no way of knowing if reality is 'real' and if that's all there is to life. It's just all we've ever known, apart from various religions who all claim to have the answer. I guess it doesn't matter if it's 'real' because there's no way out of it...well, no way that I'm ready to take.
I'm living for me now. It's the best way, I've tried living for other people too much. It got me false friends who only are around for my help on various things. then when I have some problem, they're gone. Others at least care enough to offer an answer, but if their solution isn't for me at this time, then they're insulted for me not taking their advise. Least they care.
Anyway, feeling good now, and that's what counts. Getting better organized, even if I space on some things, I have reminders all around me. Speaking of things, I need to get to B-town!
|Tuesday, September 29th, 2009|
|someone bring me home
Yes, I feel like shit. No, I don't know why. NO I don't know when I'll be feeling better. NO I don't know what I need to fix myself. Well, yeah, I know I smile sometimes, and sometimes, I think I do feel happy, but it's only when I can fully ignore what I need to do, what I put on my own plate to see if I could and now see myself failing. Yes, it involves intoxication. No I don't see a problem with that, as long as I get my stuff done. Even with some forgetfulness.
Well, if I told you that you were making bad decisions, would you listen? That's right. It does seem familiar. You didn't listen either.
There is no ruling out cause and effect. Ever. I'm a mass of particles that somehow got the same conciousness as everyone else, and somehow, this BOTHERS me. It bothers me that I don't know why any of this is here, or if there is some plain of existance that's waiting after the next trial. Really, what's the point? Is it all a fucking game? Am I losing?
Last week, I felt myself really lose touch with reality. I'd get these feelings in my hands like if I just pressed hard enough against an object, I'd fall through it. Like the electronic suignals that tell my brain I'm touching something were being misread as REAL electricity, like everything felt the way a novelty lighter does. One of those joke lighters that shocks you? only you can't let go when it starts. I started sleeping more and eating better, gave up some stuff, and it went away. Now i've started other stuff again to see if it comes back, so I can find what caused it, but my money's on lack of sleep.
So much to do, so little time.
-map out dance in 8 counts (the first minute 30)
-plan of study (2nd concentration)
-look into AA in tech
...guess really that's it. But finding the time for that between...both of my classes...::head hits desk::
really. 2 classes and a job? I can't find time to work on myshit between 2 classes and a job? Ok, and trying to work dibden, which never seems to line up around my schedual? ok, there's also my promo to finish, my mashup to finish by november, the other 3 dances I'm in, this project for the video production class that I volunteered for...I'm sure I'm forgetting more.
Tomorrow, I'm going to buy a whiteboard.
|Friday, September 18th, 2009|
|Oh Fmylife.com, how I love thee...
Fmylife.com and textsfromlastnight.com have become almost a religion for me. Read the new ones every morning and before bed, and my life feels so much better.
|Wednesday, September 16th, 2009|
|What I've been up to...
Choriographing a dance, made an outline for a children's book (going to see if my friend will do the art for it), got shot down for my idea for a senior thesis, started doing tech stuff in the theater (FUCN! That's short for 'fuckin fun!), been making TONS of promos at the radio station (brought back the Dibden updates, created a sports watch bed that can be updated every month or so, made the movie of the week bed to be updated weekly, a Dj's promo) and I'm about to take care of Non-Work Study modeling.
Still fighting my demons...Mostly sloth, pride and Envy...Feel like a need a little something to keep myself going, but I'll have that soon. Seriously, a little booze to feel good before doing things I need to do, or hours of video games, because I find I don't have the will power to do SHIT when I feel like crap, which has been happening a lot lately. I wish I didn't feel the need to surround myself with people who care about me, I want to feel independant.
And it's time to do more stuff.
|Sunday, September 6th, 2009|
|Ten Rules for Being Human
by Cherie Carter-Scott
|1. ||You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.|
|2. ||You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."|
|3. ||There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."|
|4. ||Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.|
|5. ||Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.|
|6. ||"There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."|
|7. ||Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.|
|8. ||What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.|
|9. ||Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.|
|10. ||You will forget all this.|
|Friday, September 4th, 2009|
Sometimes, I really wish that facebook had a 'Nobody cares, STFU' button you can click, instead of just 'like'
PS, Ever think about how the dramatic 'MY GOD' (removes glasses) doesn't really work with contact lenses?
|Wednesday, August 19th, 2009|
|What should I do?
What some people view as addictions, I see as a relief. Not really from the stresses of life, but from the things that I consider to be my real problem addictions. Yes, I smoke, yes I drink, but when I do those, I don't play video games for 3-5 hours a day. I'll smoke up, and do the dishes, clean my room, organize my schedual. Or I'll drink and the same thing happens. People might look at that and think that because I do it early in the day that it's a problem. Or because I do it my myself then it's a problem. but really, it's addiction substitution. That might not be healthy, but neither is playing video games for so many hours, letting it eat my brain, 'living in a permanant imagination'
so really...should I try to tough it out and not do anything addicting, but feel miserable? Or should I stay with these potential addictions, get things done and still enjoy life? I'm leaning towards the second for now.